Friday 9 December 2016

Gratitude For The Little Things That Don't Matter Anymore

At 26, I often feel hopeless and stagnant in life. The world has become so competitive that I often fail to look at my little achievements that I once dreamed off, things that were once on my bucket list and is now a reality. Things that are taken for granted. So here is my list from the past 5 years just to make me feel better:

1. Got a master's degree  in Social Work  when I was 21 (Mind you, so many people told me I was wasting my time pursuing that degree, I was young, stupid and impractical they said!)

2. Moved out of my parent's house and lived alone - in a forest, in a village, in a developed city and survived all of it. I learned the art of packing and moving in less than an hour, practiced minimalist living by literally living out of a box for 2 years.

3. Learned to make friends with strangers and learned to ask for help (I shed my pride). It is a big thing for me because I used to be someone who would rather starve than ask my own mother if there was anything to eat.

4. Managed to get a technological detox - those low budget phones and lack of connectivity helped in keeping me away from the non stop social media updates. The urge to publish every detail of my life online is now non existent. I quit FB for good 2 years and from that I learned those friends on FB don't exist once your off FB.

5. Got a job abroad - Hell, I only wished to travel abroad but fate had it that I got a job and ended up living abroad. The experience is enlightening - how it does not matter which part of India I was from - I am just 'Indian'. Speaking English without MTI is not good enough, etc. No one cares how developed your city is, you still belong to a 3rd world nation. :/

6. Watched Karma payback people who were unjust - at work, in my personal life. I consider myself blessed to be able to watch it within such a short span of time. How much I wished justice would be served and my wish was granted.

7. Managed to survive a break up. Someone who meant the world to me decided to move on at the most unexpected time. I never thought I would move forward in life, but looking back at the years now, I did go forward and I learned to accept and deal with the pain. Most importantly, I learned to be emotionally independent.

8. Reconciled with my past. The parental favoritism, the trauma from the childhood abuses, betrayal by friends and a lot more. I am at a level where I am able to understand the reasons why people behaved the way they did to me and I am not sour about it anymore. Life will take its course and karma will do the needful.

9. Kept a promise I almost broke. Learned to separate my emotions associated with the promise and stick to my word. That promise is a source of my joy today and hopefully forever :)

10. And those regular cheap thrills - my first investment, first camera, first flight ticket, first international trip, so many firsts with my own money. Who said social work does not pay you enough to live life well, its all about budgeting.

I have come a long way from the silly kid I used to be and still have a very long way to go before I willing accept adulthood as my reality. :D

Life is never about the big things. It's those little things that once mattered the most - the milestones that indicate you are getting ahead, one step at a time.


Thank you for taking the time to read these insignificant tidbits about my life. 

Thursday 16 June 2016

Fighting a losing battle!

The hours are long, the body is in the pain, the mind is stressed....Yet I am not willing to give up on fighting this losing battle. I have chosen to fight, fight until I cannot stand up anymore. There have been many instances when I was on the verge of giving up, when I thought I lost it all, when I felt like killing myself for being such a loser. But something in me keeps telling me to fight..fight till my last breathe.

No its not a matter of me having a job, it is not a matter of money, it is not a matter of pride. It is all about justice. Somewhere, somewhere deep inside of me I believe I am this stupid superhero who will put herself through all sorts of trials just to attain justice. I cannot stand people who exploit others, who eat at the cost of another's life. There is no humanity in living at another person's expense. There is no righteousness in putting another's life at stake to save your lazy ass. How can a person exploit and instigate innocent little souls and make them hate people? Our job as adults is to nurture young minds to continue loving the world even when everything seems to be falling apart. Instead, people are busy teaching them to screw their own lives. People are teaching them to hate. People are teaching them to not care for anyone but themselves. People are bribing them with cheap pleasures while taking away from that expensive gift called life. The truth is hard to accept. Its ugly. Its dirty. Its cheap. But, its the truth.

I am a social worker. What good am I, if I cannot bring about a positive change in the place I work? What good I am if I cannot fix the mistakes that I see in front of my eyes. I did not choose this profession for money. I did not choose this profession for social pride. I did not choose this profession for anything but soul satisfaction. I chose it for the joy of putting smiles on people's face. I chose it to be able to help people fix their lives when things go wrong. I chose it so I could help people mend broken pieces of their lives. I chose it because I saw beauty in flaws. I chose it because I saw radiance in imperfection. I chose it cause I was crazy enough to believe I could be a superhero in my own way.

Somewhere in the corner of my heart, I know I am not alone in this struggle. There are many more social workers forced to give up their dreams of changing lives due to dirty work politics, due to people's selfish interests, due to insecurities of incapable bosses. I don't want to be yet another one giving up. I will fight this battle even if I am on the losing end until justice is served or until I cannot really stand anymore.

I may break down, I may cry, I am even weep in the toilet cubicle, but I will not give up. I will wipe my tears, I will pull myself together again. I will stand up with courage and I will not give up until justice is served. For I am a social worker, I will bring the change that I want to see. I will change this losing battle into victory!

If there is someone called God and if that God serves justice, I believe my battle will not go in vain! Inshallah! If God wills, so shall it be. Amen!